Monday, May 28, 2012

Buying stamps from the goddamn post office

Just had an unhealthy dose of Indian bureaucracy; spent the last hour and a half at the post office trying to send a parcel home. A simple task at home perhaps, an absolute nightmare here.

Step 1: Find a parcel wallah (parcel maker) on the street outside the post office.

Step 2: Haggle with parcel wallah to fix a price; do this while standing in the 43 degree heat with sweat literally dripping off your face and cheeks scalded red from the temperature.

Step 3: Sit in shade and watch the parcel wallah VERY SLOWLY wrap your items in newspaper and then again in wax cloth. Cloth must be stitched by hand all the way around the edges (again, slowly slowly seems the favoured way), and then the stitches must be covered in wax seals (wax seals! I loved this bit actually). If you don't do this by the book, the post office won't send your parcel. This takes a good 40 mins and I lose approximately 3 lbs in weight through sweating.

Step 4: Write the address on the top left of the parcel. Write the sender's address on the bottom left. Write phone numbers for each address. I make sure the IRELAND is giant - just get it that far and Ireland will look after it!

Step 5: Go into bedlam post office where it seems that just about anybody can walk behind the counter and have a look around. There is a 'link failure' - basically their server is down due to a powercut. Options are to sit and wait or try somewhere else. The staff are just sitting behind the desks with their feet up, some of them are sleeping. Hilarious. No A/C so no incentive to stick around here.

Step 6: Bribe parcel wallah to come with you to another post office (he has to vouch he sealed your parcel) and head to train station outlet.

Step 7: BASK IN THE JOY OF AIR CONDITIONING!

Step 8: Watch in bemusement with stifled guffaws as three Indian men try to weigh a giant parcel (it's two large chairs) on a teeny tiny weighing scale that is clearly designed only for letters and small parcels.

Step 9: FINALLY you pay the money and think it's all over... how naive.

Step 10: Receive receipt complete with tracking number; write tracking number on both sides of the parcel. Write SPEED POST in giant letters which seems to be the equivalent of putting speed holes in your car - it's meant to make it go faster but probably won't do anything.

Step 11: Wave bye bye to the parcel and to the last 1.5 hours of my life. Success!

Just have to wait to see if it arrives in Ireland now - they said 10 days but I am skeptical. I will happily never post anything from India ever again.

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